Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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