He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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