I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
