I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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