that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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