Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
