is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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