nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i came on her dog
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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