I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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