So drunk its hurt
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
