you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
