i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
