I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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