You can't motorboat a personality
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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