with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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