mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
