I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
