It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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