return my video game
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize