My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
