I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
