i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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