Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
