just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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