TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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