Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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