Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
