I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
