Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
