There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
