I am midnight drunk by noon
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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