you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
