...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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