were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
