I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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