i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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