My first STD was from a foam party
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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