Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
