Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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