we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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