He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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