if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
