11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
