i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
