As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
