i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
