No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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