I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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