Do you still have your period?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
