i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
