Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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