Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
