Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize