i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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