just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize