Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
