I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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