4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
