Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
