Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
