Little spoons don't ask big questions
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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