I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
