My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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