I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
