No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
