Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
