i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
