We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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