So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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