hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
