I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
